PSA: Bottoming for a Small Dick
Seems like we have a small cock fetish at Bespoke Surgical. But I’d say it’s more like we’re obsessed with cock no matter what the size (and here you thought we only dealt with asses!). But both this week’s tale and last week’s tale are turning the attention to the “little guy”. It stems from a client proclaiming in our office, in a Caribbean accent nonetheless, “Mon, I am not taking in the small dicks anymore. Those little fuckers keep on poking me over and over again. That shit’s painful!” We both had a good laugh and then it got me thinking: he’s right. Though the age old saying is: it’s not the size of the boat, but the motion of the ocean, I believe both are somewhat important when it comes to bottoming. It can actually be more difficult to master a less-than-average cock because they have the potential to cause more trauma than a foot-long 🍆 if the top doesn’t understand the correct maneuvers. So let’s dive deeper. Butt not too deep, though. 😂 Had to put the pun in there, no?
OK, so we talk a lot about the difficulty of receiving well-endowed men — big fucking ding-dongs — specifically as it relates to their girth bringing one’s skin and muscle to maximum capacity. If you are not accustomed or have not practiced in the weeks leading up to sex with dilators (like butt plugs), injury can ensue, which will limit functionality and overall pleasures for both you and your partner(s). But once you are able to open up entirely and accommodate full insertion, the sky is usually the limit. It’s the take-off that has potentially the most complications. Though clearly things can happen during the actual thrusting of the act; however, for the most part, if done correctly, the cock stays within the anal canal, keeping the skin and muscle in its appropriate relaxed position.
Butt what about the smaller cocks? Yeah, my client is 💯 correct — these guys tend to pop out more frequently and if he’s behind you going gangbusters, you can find yourself being poked and poked, over and over again. I could envision it now — that repetitive jabbing is traumatic in nature and you can for sure tear the external skin with these forces. You would think that the smaller length and girth would be more manageable and more easily able to go balls to the wall. But in this case, it’s not the accommodation that’s the limiting factor — it’s the angle of entry, along with the repetitive in-and-out motions that may have significant repercussions. Wow. Who knew there was so much to think about as the bottom, right? Well, there is. And wait — there’s more!
Regardless of your cock size, there are a few points I’d like to leave you with. We, the bottoms, need to be able to analyze each and every situation that we encounter. It’s the same as any new work project or relationship you take on. They can all vary and take us in so many different directions. It’s not just anticipating, but also simulating it first on your own, and then over and over again in some practicing capacity. OK, yes, I am telling you to continue to bottom. More, please. It not only makes the world go round, but also practice does make perfect and in our work, “perfect” means minimizing your risk as it relates to anything sexual.
This goes beyond your own capabilities. It’s setting a standard of communication among you and your partner(s). Not to detract from the feeling of a good old-fashioned, spur of the moment fuck, but to create success in whatever you are approaching, you must anticipate what’s coming (pun intended). Yes, I know what you’re saying: what about the random hook-up from Grindr or Scruff? How do you handle that? You can still set an expectation from the onset, especially if you are the bottom. You can accomplish that either in a subtle manner or just by flat out asking. Remember, boys: your expertise will be tested when it’s time to analyze the landscape — I’m here to ensure you are educated and well-versed on the science of sex.
Lifehacker just wrote a piece on communication during sex and a few things stood out. There is a clear difference between feedback and instruction. To me, feedback sounds much more positive and constructive, and can be accomplished in a myriad ways, such as: verbal communication and/or moaning, eye contact, body positioning, or pre-established signals, like the squeezing of the hand or squeezing a nipple. Also, it’s key to get more comfortable on your own. We always promote independent play as a way to master your functional and communication skills. Pay particular attention to what you like and what you do not. Lastly, talking and communicating is a skill and as your relationship develops, it’s important to continue to analyze how you both are participating in the relationship. I’ve always believed that the best communicators on all things gay seem to have the strongest relationships.
All in all, the little guy doesn’t need to be so bad — it’s how you use it that matters. Butt that’s not always the case. Empowering the bottom means being able to be versatile (not necessarily in sex — it’s perfectly fine to exclusively bottom) in your approach to receiving. Not all cocks are the same, but what should be is your knowledge of how to be penetrated in a way that feels amazing to you and your partner, as well as the ability to communicate in some capacity to minimize injuries for everyone involved, all the while maximizing pleasures. To me, cock in the ass is the only way to go. Who would want it any other way?
Dr. Evan Goldstein is the Founder and CEO of Bespoke Surgical. Dr. Goldstein has extensive experience educating and shedding light on health care issues relating to the gay community, and has been published in several national publications including The Advocate, OUT Magazine, Vice, Refinery 29, NY Mag and more.