The United States of Sexual Frustration

We’ve all been there, you hit up an old fling to end a dry spell the length of eternity. You can’t remember the last time you had an orgasm, or you and your partner’s sex life is starting to feel more stale than steamy. Sexual frustration is tough, full stop. It can occur with people who are single and in relationships. During a critical election season, it can also haunt sexual partners with different political views.

Demographics play such a huge role in everyone’s lives, explained sexual health and wellness expert Dr. Evan Goldstein. “We know that where you live often reflects your weather preferences, lifestyle choices, political party, and as we’ve now learned, sexual activity. To dive into this concept, we surveyed people across multiple demographics and nearly all U.S. states to find out where sexual frustration runs most rampant around the country and the findings are extremely interesting.

Over 2,800 Americans answered our questions about dry spells and the root of their sexual frustrations with admirable honesty. They also told us about the impact of sexual frustration on things like masturbation rates, body image, and mental health. Read on to see what sexual frustration looks like in your state.

Key Findings

• When it comes to finding pleasure below the belt, our friends south of the Mason-Dixon line are struggling the most. Out of all states surveyed, Mississippi, Florida, and North Carolina are experiencing the most sexual frustration.
• 67% of straight respondents would have sex with someone with different political beliefs than them. Only 50% of LGBTQ+ respondents and 43% of Gen Zers say the same. These groups aren’t as likely to compromise their political views for sexual pleasure.
• Men are twice as likely as women to be more lenient about who they match with on a dating app in order to end their dry spell.
• 56% of respondents would have sex with someone on a first date to end their dry spell.
• Respondents average 4.79 orgasms each month (having sex with a partner), whereas they average 14.41 orgasms each month (via masturbation). Thus, respondents are having triple the amount of orgasms each month through masturbation.
• Almost 20% of women rarely to never orgasm during sex with a partner

Sexual Frustration And Politics

Keeping politics out of the bedroom is generally a good idea, but it turns out many Americans can’t. The majority of respondents, 62%, think it’s either important or very important that their partner share their political beliefs. Zooming in, 73% of both gay or lesbian respondents and Gen Zers think it’s either important or very important that their partner share their political beliefs.

What’s more, while 67% of people, overall, say they would have sex with someone with different political beliefs to their own, only 43% of Gen Zers agree. Thus, many members of the younger generation won’t compromise their political views for sexual pleasure this election season.

The Most Sexually-Frustrated States

When it comes to finding pleasure below the belt, our friends south of the Mason-Dixon line are struggling the most. Out of all states surveyed, Mississippi, Florida, and North Carolina are experiencing the most sexual frustration. 

In the case of Florida, the amount of sexual frustration could be a side effect of the population’s average age. The Sunshine State has become a mecca for retirees looking to make a move from their cold, gray offices to the warm subtropical climate the state has to offer. Over 20% of Florida’s population is 65 or older, signaling that it might be harder for its residents to, well, get hard.

The Big O: States That Orgasm the Most (and the Least)

As for states that aren’t coming to the party, Nebraska was the least likely to show up. Overall, residents in the Cornhusker state reported fewer orgasms than any other state in the country. On average, Nebraskans are climaxing around eight times per month. There were three states with averages squarely in the single digits (no rounding up), and Nebraska ranked the lowest of all three.

In contrast, New Hampshire is the state orgasming most each month. The Granite State is staying true to its name at a rock-hard 17 orgasms per month, or 204 orgasms annually if you’re interested in seeing the bigger picture.

When it comes to the big O overall, 61% of people are masturbating more often due to sexual frustration and they’re having triple the amount of orgasms each month through masturbation. Our respondents reported an average of 4.79 orgasms each month by having sex with a partner, whereas they average 14.41 orgasms each month via masturbation. Additionally, almost 20% of women rarely to never orgasm during sex with a partner, while only 10% of men say the same.

States With the Longest Dry Spells

When it comes to dry spells, people in Utah, Virginia, and New Jersey have all faced droughts lasting four years or more. Alternatively, people in Illinois and Pennsylvania have shorter dry spells, lasting a little longer than a year.

So what lengths would people go to end their dry spells? We found that out too. 

• 50% of gay or lesbian respondents would be more lenient about who they match with on dating apps to end their dry spell (compared to 30% of straight respondents). 
• 56% of people would have sex with someone on a first date to end their dry spell.
• The average respondent has reached out to an ex or an old fling at least twice to end their dry spell, 2.69 times to be exact.

What’s Causing Sexual Frustration?

The factors that most prevent survey respondents from having sex include stress, anxiety, or depression. Others cited working long hours and having a low sex drive as causing periods of sexual drought. Respondents in a romantic relationship blamed their frustrations on stale sexual routines and not having sex enough. What’s more, 43% of people say sexual frustration has had a negative impact on their mental health, while 34% say it’s taken a toll on their body image.

Closing Thoughts

Sexual frustration happens to everyone, and it can be tough to grapple with. Single or in a relationship, dry spells can result in things like energy build-up, self-doubt, and resentment toward a companion. It can be tempting to change your criteria when seeking a sexual partner, but you shouldn’t have to. While it may be challenging to find your mojo again, don’t compromise on your standards or beliefs just to end a long dry spell.

While we can’t totally eliminate feelings of sexual frustration, Bespoke Surgical has other resources to help you maintain your sexual wellness. Additionally, if you are going through a drought at the moment, our shop has toys you can treat yourself to in the meantime!

Methodology

To find out which states went through the longest dry spells and what caused them, we surveyed 2,858 respondents from October 1 to 4, 2022. The study included a representative sample across gender identities, generations, and orientations, in order to make comparisons between these demographics. Survey questions were asked about sexual frustration, dry spells, and the causes of both. Insights for Alaska, Montana, North Dakota, South Dakota, Vermont, and Wyoming could not be collected due to the low pool of available survey respondents in these states.