Tales from the Tail — Is Monogamy During Post-Surgery Recovery Realistic?
Partners in crime. Or so they say… Here’s some background on me: I am 27, in a two year monogamous relationship, and have always been self-conscious of the aesthetics of my asshole. As a kid, I suffered from bouts of constipation, which subsequently lead to the formation of hemorrhoids and skin tags. Let me tell you — my hole looks fucking gross and it’s limited my anal play, both because of mental embarrassment and actually physical limitations. As a true bottom-at-heart, and literally the bottom in my current relationship, I decided to pursue corrective surgery. After discussing the plan of action with my partner, who was way supportive, I made an appointment with Dr. Evan Goldstein at Bespoke Surgical. Due to the extensive nature of my poor hole, up front, it was discussed that it may need 2–3 surgeries in total. I was surprised to learn that you could not operate on all the regions at the same time. But after hearing all the risks and benefits in the doctor’s office, along with the timeframe of 6–9 months before I would be sitting on cock again, we, as a team, decided to embark on this journey. My boyfriend was supportive since it would greatly impact both of our lives — for the better. Dr. Goldstein even offered for my boyfriend to come in for a discussion on the surgical planning. However, he declined. Little did I know this was the beginning of the end of our relationship. So, what happened?
3 surgeries, 9 months, and many nights of pain and suffering later, I am happy to say my hole looks normal. It took us a while for sure and there were times where I second guessed my decision, but my butt is awesome. I am slowly getting on the horse again, except that horse is not my boyfriend — he’s my ex now. You could have figured, right? Well, during this entire process, and knowing he’s a total top, I would constantly ask him if everything was OK and I would work very hard to attempt to please him in other ways. And I would even talk to him about satisfying his topping desires, but no. Everything was good according to him. Until it wasn’t and I opened up his phone to find many conversations on exactly that topic… with other guys. “Can I fuck you in the ass please?” “Yep.” It was then I realized that everything was “fine” because he was fucking like a dog while I was still recovering. I, of course, went down the surgical road for my own benefit, but it was also for him and for us, yet lying and deception was how this fucker paid me back. No fucking way. I dumped his ass, which was a total shame because not only were we such an amazing match, but also I gave him so many options to broach the subject and, in the right context, I would have offered options that worked for both of us in order to keep us together.
New hole, new me. As my savior, Ariana Grande, keeps saying, “thank u, next.” My heart may be broken, but my ass has never been better.
Anal Restoration is a family affair and I think I have done a disservice to them both in this situation. When it comes to clients who are in relationships, I should require a meeting with both members present, especially for those who require two or more surgeries. This was the impetus to write this tale.
I have been seeing more and more relationships end because the bottom is out of commission and I want to make sure that we at Bespoke Surgical do everything we can to make sure everyone is aware upfront of the magnitude of not only the overall surgical procedures, but also the stress and strain it places on a relationship. There needs to be a plan while the bottom is recovering to satisfy one’s desires. Now, you can make an argument that I did inadvertently help this client since exposing lying and deceit so early in the relationship clearly showed the true nature of the boyfriend. But as someone who did this to his ex-wife, sometimes the situation takes a hold of itself. While I am not condoning this behavior, what I have learned from my own personal experiences, along with my surgical practice, is that upfront communication is a must. So much so that I am now working on a partner’s agreement with my legal team to make sure we openly address all of these issues before any surgical treatment begins. I am here to help my clients achieve what they desire — I am not here to end a budding relationship.
Listen — we get it. Total tops are not gonna learn to bottom while the true bottom gets corrective surgery. Maybe some will, but the majority won’t. Let’s not fool ourselves — they need ass. And if you think they are gonna wait 9 months to deflower your newly virgin ass, you are totally mistaken. There needs to be a plan of action. There need to be rules. Or at least options. Let’s open up. Just think about it. Maybe bring a bottom into the relationship for the two of you to enjoy together, or let him go out and explore on his own, but with PrEP and a serial screening regimen. What about a friend with benefits situation? There are so many scenarios available. But you know what’s the hardest part? No, not his dick. It’s talking and communicating about how this will impact everyone involved. I never said it was easy or fun, but neither is breaking up.
Moving forward, we at Bespoke Surgical are committed to not only taking care of the primary client, but also the partnership as a (w)hole. So please don’t say everything is fine and you will stay committed if you don’t truly mean it. Yes, this is true for a small few, but the majority will stray. So let’s be realistic and work together to set up a plan of action to make the entire process successful. We all deserve fruitful relationships and the ones that I see last the test of time not only open up their holes, but also communicate about everything — the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Dr. Evan Goldstein is the Founder and CEO of Bespoke Surgical. Dr. Goldstein has extensive experience educating and shedding light on health care issues relating to the gay community, and has been published in several national publications including The Advocate, OUT Magazine, Vice, Refinery 29, NY Mag and more.